Why Do I Live?
by attitudetwinz
Summary: Does she have a real purpose other than what she beleives? Or can she find another purpose herself? Or will she let it come to her?....please r&r.


  
  
  
  
Disclaimer:I do not own Evangelion, I never will either. I own this story though.  
  
  
  
Attitudetwin Kat: This is a bit darkish and angsty. A bit au-ish too. it depends.  
  
  
Why do I Live?  
CHAPTER ONE: A Voice Of Realization?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
It was a dark silent night with a sky slightly surrounded by gray rain clouds. A wolf howled, signaling a full moon. Leaves wildly ruslted in the night air.  
  
  
  
At a lonely apartment in Tokyo-03, a teenage girl lies in her bed. Her eyes blankly staring into the dark nothingness. She doesn't stir. She just lies there. Deep in thought and restless. If mindreaders were true; they would feel sympathetic towards this girl's thoughts.  
  
  
  
Sympathetic because of what the lonely girl converses with herself.  
  
  
  
'I feel cold. A feeling nothing is able to warm. I feel I need warmth,' she thought, she pulled the dark black comforter tighter around her shoulders. It did nothing to warm the cold feeling she kept having.  
  
  
  
"Why do I feel this way? Why should I care?" she said aloud, talking with herself. Closing her eyes, she tries to shut out the thoughts that pervades her sleep. "I CANNOT feel this way," she paused her scarlet eyes saddening in the darkness,"I lack emotion, I was born into an era where the soldier does not require emotions."  
  
  
  
Exasperated she got up and went to the balcony of her apartment. "Is this lonliness I feel? Heh, if that is this feeling then I should not care. Lonliness is what I am meant to have, it is my gift from above." Her crimsom irises turned bleak,"I'll be alone until I die sacrificing myself to protect the people of this world (or what's left)." Turning her gaze to the skies above she asked,"Do I have a true purpose other than being a doll?" The young adolescent's eyes began to moisten,"Or is my purpose to die from fighting a noble battle? (noble, yeah right.) Am I only a doll to the commander?" Realization finally dawned on her. He didn't care if she died or not. As long as his goal was achieved. "I shouln't care if I die or not." Unshed tears threatened to fall,"I have no other purpose."  
  
  
  
Something warm cascaded down her cheek. Surprised by the new sensation, she brought her slender pale fingers to her cheek. "Tears?" she thought,"Why am I cryng? Am I afraid to die? Or does it sadden me I have no other purposes? Her gaze turned to the ground below.  
  
  
  
Unnoticed by the young girl, rain started to drizzle upon her. Mixing her salty tears with rain water, plastering her pale blue hair to her pale face. She felt the rain trying to drown her sorrow. Not caring she was getting wet, she lifted her face towards the showering rain, letting her self drown.  
Drowning away the feeling of lonliness the best she was allowed.  
  
  
  
A voice carried by an unknown entity whispered a question to the albino girl.  
  
  
  
"Who are you?"  
  
  
  
Letting her mask of indifference fall showing the face of an abandoned child, she whispered to herself and the voice. Uncertainty lacing in,"  
  
  
  
I am Rei.  
Rei Ayanami."  
  
  
  
Again the voice asked,  
  
  
  
"Are you sure? Why do you hesitate?"  
  
  
  
"Y-yes, I am I. Rei Ayanami is I."  
  
  
  
Her soft voice craicking with a silent strangled sob.  
  
  
  
"What are you doing?"   
  
  
  
The voice questioned, in a lingering tone.  
  
  
  
Painfully she responded,  
  
  
  
"Living."  
  
  
  
"Why do you live?"  
  
  
  
The voice whispered, almost tauntingly.  
  
  
  
Holding back a strangled sob she whispered back pain evident in her voice.  
  
  
  
"To die."  
  
  
  
The voice seemed to pause with doubt but asked,  
  
  
  
"Is that your true reason little one? To die? Is that your purpose?"  
  
  
  
  
Tears were pouring down her delicate pale face but it was hard to tell because of the now hard falling rain. Dropping to her knees she curled up into a fetal position and sobbed. Letting realization hit her slowly and painfully. In a small pained voice she said,  
  
  
  
  
"y-yes that is my purpose."  
  
  
  
The voice echoed as it seemed to get more and more distant saying repeatedly,  
  
  
  
"Are you sure little one?"  
  
  
  
About a half an hour later, the girl picked herself up and trudged back into her barren apartment. Not caring her clothes were wet she dropped to the floor, too tired to make it to the bed. She curled up into a ball and silently cried herself to sleep.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Attitudetwin Kat: So what do you think? Please Review!!!!! Give me some suggestions for the next chapter, if I decide to make this a chapter story.  
  
Attitude twin Kris: If you like O-town and Escaflowne fanfics, come see our profile. ^_^   
  
  
  
  



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